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| dear viewers of sorts, i have had this xanga for many years- four or five to be exact. this xanga of mine has documented much of young adulthood, and i believe has served its purpose. i write to you not because you know me, because whomever is reading this, doesn't speak to me directly. this is fine. we're human. we're curious. but i'll tell you, curiousity will kill that god damn cat, and hopefully not you one day. anyway- i'm writing you this final note, because of a recent event, or happening of sorts. i will be honest with you all. with myself. i've felt nothing but mediocre most of my days for the past year and 3/4 months. i can admit that some days have be an exception to that statement-that there are beautiful people who are in my life, and i am very much fortunate to know them: (they know who they are)- i have just been battling my own mind and memory for much too long. i've been waiting. and it happened. on august 22nd, it happened. the warmth i lost, has been returned. and i can only say that i wish to give it back. upfront, honest- and sincere. and i won't be wasting my time. no, not anymore. so with that i say: (didn't think i'd be here again)
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. FAREWELL GOOD MEMORY.
WELCOME MY FUTURE. sincerely,
caitlin elaine rooney | | |
| country roads take me home, to the place, i belong | | |
| "… Earlier this morning I had made the impromptu decision to up and leave town. I wasn’t scheduled to work, and I had made no previous plans. I can’t even begin to tell you where I’m going. I know I’m going North from my starting point of Fond du Lac, WI, and I‘m following a route that will ensue a clear mind. The sun is blistering, and the humidity is soaking into my skin.. I realize now that I don’t have much money, and that could pose as a problem. But honestly, money is the least of my worries. Lately it seems as if I’ve been dragged up and out, backwards, forwards, and all kinds of in betweens. There’s too much on my mind, and I’ve got the memory of lost love to blame. I’m a strong willed girl of seventeen years, but I can’t for one minute deny the sadness that’s been dwelling inside my heart. He was nice, and charismatic. A simple living guy, who loved the delta blues, as I do. We bonded over life’s funny ways, and sandy beaches alongside the body of Lake Michigan that summer. When the fall was at our heels we settled for the auburn colors of the leaves, and the fire’s blaze, and when winter called we sang its white winter hymnal. We laughed a lot, and for awhile things were so blissful, I couldn’t tell you what it felt like to be sad. If he were a song, well I’m damn sure Dylan would have written it. Fluid, yet still a bit rough, in that North woods kind of way. Maybe that’s why I’m headed North. I couldn’t tell you. Our initial parting was bittersweet. Our goodbyes weren’t intended, and god knows we didn’t understand all of what pulled us apart. All of those things I just don’t understand. All of those things that have caused me to keep moving. Timing and distance, just a lot of numbers I don’t follow too well ." | | |
| "met a trucker down in philly, had a nice long toke, and he's a headed' west to the cumberland gap, johnson city-tennessee, but i gotta get a move on before the sun, i hear my baby callin' my name and i know that she's the only one, and if i die in raleigh, at least i will die free,...' | | |
| 1st thought:
well, of course i was going to be extremely nostalgic on the fourth. only natural. was it gonna stay that way? of course not. i made the decision not to be. i have wonderful people in my life as it is. i think it was john's mom who was talking about "living in the present", not thinking about the past, or the future. she said john lived that way, and i think that she was very much accurate with her words. now i've been laying outside thinking about what that exactly all means "living in the present", and i came up with more than one explanation. my fingers don't feel like tapping them out, but i do know, for certain, that this is something to be tried. i don't believe life itself would become more simple, yet i do believe that it would have its way of being more "free". think about it.
2nd thought: on another note; i recently saw bob dylan at summerfest. it was a very chilly evening, for the summertime ( a staggering 50 degrees! ) yet, our good spirits did not plummit. he played many of my favorites, and a lot of his newer material. all in all, i had a great time and figured it was note worthy. 3rd thought: it's funny being young, and your conflicts are nothing serious, or of real importance. "on one hand something good, the other, something better?" if only time could ramble on, but our priorities remained the same? i don't know, but that sure sounds good to me. | | |
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